How to Save Without Compromising Lifestyle

It is the beginning of March. You are reviewing your bank statements and sadden by your leftover balances after your housing payment. Your long-awaited tax return had all gone to your credit card…

独家优惠奖金 100% 高达 1 BTC + 180 免费旋转

Sometimes Satoshi Nakamoto Drinks Too Much

I graduated 4th in my class from the John F. Kennedy School of Special Warfare. I am a recipient of the Combat Action Badge for my service in Iraq. I am a military combat veteran. One of my nicknames in the US Army was “O.G. Killer Roz” because I was pretty good with the M249 Squad Automatic weapon.

I attended and performed well at Cornell’s Computer Science program, until I dropped out to pursue a path that would better prepare me for Startup Life.

I have a genius IQ. I am Asperger’s.

I have jumped out of a plane. I have run a marathon. When I’m in shape, I can run a mile in less than 6 minutes. I have passed the Special Operations physical fitness standards for males.

I am trained in hand-to-hand combat. In response to being given a bloody nose, I brought a six foot tall male to the ground, by making contact between my right fist and his balls.

Sometimes I drink too much. Women have ended relationships with me because I am direct and it comes across as insensitivity.

I have traveled six continents. My favorite mode of transportation is helicopter. In 2016, I logged around 160,000 miles in business flights (unfortunately 0 of them in a helicopter).

I have established businesses on 3 continents and mimicked the sleeping pattern of a competitive sailor in order to manage clients in nearly a dozen timezones. I can earn five figures a month.

I am a founder, CEO, CTO, and high-level developer of a tech startup. I am really into cryptocurrencies.

I am (mostly) heterosexual. I am a regular user of Tinder. I think I’m pretty good at sex. Sometimes I cum and my partner doesn’t, but I am totally convinced none of my partners has ever faked an orgasm.

I use Tinder as a pipeline to the applicant pool for the role of my Lover. A Lover is a committed and monogamous relationship, simply without further expectations to integrate into my wider social life. I prefer to have a Lover, instead of a hookup or a one night stand, because I strongly prefer emotionally connected sex.

I like to wear makeup. I have a little dog that I sometimes carry in my purse. I have big tits.

I am female.

People have told me that they feel a bit surprised when they read that last line.

The first time I heard this response, I was surprised. But not anymore.

I’ve always known I was different because of my mother’s frustration. Imagine my mother’s frustration at having a six year old daughter who liked to make things blow up as part of science experiments. Of having an 8 year old daughter who yelled out that she wanted the electrical engineering circuit set to play with, instead of a doll. Of having a 10 year old who got on her bike and rode to a whole other town, without so much as saying she was leaving the house. Imagine her frustration at having a daughter that was so gifted in math, she got in trouble with the school because other kids paid her to do their homework for them. I have so many memories of her being at wit’s end.

But growing up, I never saw my being different as something special. As a child, I never saw it as an advantage.

I saw my intelligence as the reason I felt so alone. It was a constant source of frustration to me that people assumed since I was intellectually brilliant, and I was a girl, that I understood how to make friends, or how to not hurt someone’s feelings.

Because I am a woman, people have always assumed I know how to love. In my early twenties, I had this realization. My mind exploded. In reality, for me, the act of love has always been The Great Cryptographic Puzzle.

By the time I was in high school, I knew myself enough to understand I was not good at female friendships. I was not good at relationships, period.

So, I pursued things which didn’t require that.

I learned to code when I was 17. I enjoyed Physics and solving cryptographic puzzles. I spent lunchtime in the library, with the chess team guys. We talked about Stephen Hawking, hacking the school computers, and how “not fitting in” was affecting our college applications.

When I chose a college, I chose the one with the least women. I chose Computer Science as a major because I loved coding, but also because I knew I’d be the only girl in most of my classes.

After college, in order to prepare for having my own startup, I addressed my weaknesses. I took positions which were relationship-skills heavy. In my first relationship-skills dependent role, I was nearly fired.

I couldn’t give a basic demo without appearing extremely awkward. I was direct with clients and told them “no, you can’t have that because it’s not in the contract.” I would get so nervous on days where we hosted clients, that once, in the bathroom at work, I hallucinated that I wasn’t wearing my skirt. I saw in the mirror that I was standing in just tights and underwear. I had to walk away from the mirror twice before the anxiety-induced hallucination went away.

Under the pressure of Wall Street tech, I learned a mountain of social skills extremely quickly. After that, any trace of me being Asperger’s was virtually undetectable. People believed so wholeheartedly that I was emotionally intelligent, that they started refusing to believe I could code. After years of only coding part-time, my coding skills faded.

In 2014, my family suffered a huge tragedy. My little brother Billy, who was also an Army veteran, died in a motorbike accident in Thailand. He was 29 years old.

Billy and I were very close and had been planning on starting a business together after he was supposed to finish Undergraduate studies. His graduation date was just a few weeks after his death.

In the wake of my devastation, I turned down a six figure job offer as a Software Developer in Manhattan, got rid of 99% of my material belongings, and decided to Start My Startup…finally.

I spent the first year of my startup trying not to kill myself. I finished my novel. I cried a lot. I moved to Australia and enjoyed the beach.

The next two years on my startup journey was mostly catching up to where my coding skill would have been had I not taken the relationship-skills career detour.

I traveled the world, making money remotely, and pivoting different startup ideas. I ended up in a Chinese tv show competition for startups.

And then a very female thing happened to me: I went home to take care of a sick relative.

For the first half of 2017, I spent all my time and all my money taking care of a sick relative.

I couldn’t make real progress on my startup because I had to focus on my sick relative.

I had known about the StartupChile grant, but when I was researching their Seed program (~$40kUSD grant), I found the page for The Startup Factory (~$16kUSD) which is only for founders who identify as female.

It is for startups in idea or early prototype phase.

Until that day, whenever I saw an ad for a Women-Focused program, I equated it with “watered down”. “For Women”, in my mind, was the same as saying “For Pussies”.

But, after giving up progress on my business in order to take care of my relative, I felt that the TSF program had been magically designed for me specifically.

The other women were fantastic.

The experience inspired me to practice being in my feminine.

At the end of the program, I decided to spend five months mindfully practicing being in my feminine energy.

It was a powerful skill to have in extended crisis.

If I had stayed in my masculine energy, I would have snapped in half and likely quit.

But the power of the feminine gave me the ability to stretch, and derive a pleasure from being stretched.

Now that my life is becoming more stable, I’m able to indulge in masculine energy again.

Making Money, Getting Laid…that’s my masculine.

Now, nearly 6 months after the program ended, there’s a new confidence in me. It’s not cockiness. It’s also not at all feminine, as it is not something I “receive”.

It’s a playful integration of my feminine and my masculine.

It’s the ability to look back at the mistakes, the scrapes and bruises, the broken relationships, the spectacular arguments, and smile…and think out loud to myself, “I love that person, but on this one issue, he can suck my dick…just…chúpalo”

Now, there’s a return of the desire for fraternity in me, instead of support which is inherent in sorority.

In TSF, I received listening and caring.

But now, once again, I need to push and be pushed. I need to play fight. I need to make fun of my friend and be made fun of back. I need to laugh loudly and say “fuck you” while I tell a friend to get out of the way of my tv view.

I think the spirit of my brother Billy was away during this challenging time of feminine calibration.

There were things I had to figure out about being a woman that Billy couldn’t have helped with.

Now, he is here, present in my new identity, as the awesome person he always saw me as.

Maybe it sounds crazy, but it’s as if I have learned to embody my brother, like a scene out of the movie Ghost.

I can see through Billy’s eyes, and I don’t miss him anymore, because he is within me.

Now that I’ve mastered my feminine and my masculine, I’ll probably spend the rest of my life keeping them balanced.

I started TSF with an analytical, goal-oriented mindset, like I had gone through every male-dominated program.

I had no idea that simply being around that much feminine energy would deeply affect me.

So…while it was extremely challenging, it was something I needed.

I didn’t need to be in yet another program where I had to learn more about being male…I needed to learn about being a woman.

As a woman in business, I had to learn to lean back as an act of faith in my abilities and my team. As a woman in business, I had to learn to make others comfortable with my competence, how to introduce people to my power, which is collaborative and fluid.

Being in my feminine taught me to receive. To be clear, I allowed myself to be penetrated. By feelings. By community. By life. Penetration is the repeated act of losing and receiving.

Forced on my knees by cashflow problems, I lost my dignity. With the help of my two best friends and my two co-founders, four of the highest quality human beings on the planet Earth, I stood up under the weight of tremendous shame. I feel I received the respect of my grandfather, a Prisoner of War in WWII who I never got the chance to meet in person.

I lost my achievements and was lifted up by my qualities. I lost my ego and witnessed my character. I lost battles and welcomed my victorious end to the war. I temporarily lost my masculine side and learned about myself as a woman.

I lost my brother and received my sisters.

As for solving The Great Cryptographic puzzle of knowing how to love, I’m working on it.

As for how my actual startup is doing…to use a word which is beyond either masculine or feminine traits: exponentially.

If you really enjoyed this article, please share it

How to Save Without Compromising Lifestyle

Sometimes Satoshi Nakamoto Drinks Too Much

Add a comment

Related posts:

CHINA AND UAE CAN INJECT STRONGER IMPETUS INTO COOPERATION

icesourcegroup

Time to Get Growing